Aaaaa too much!

Too Much #1: Information.

I think the main problem in my work is … well, I don’t know what it is! It’s something between boredom and lack of concentration. Let’s call it “frazzlement”. Today I was working for a long time on a thing that took between 2 and 10 minutes to compile. I’d set it to go and then for 5 minutes I’d think about it a little bit and read the internet a little bit. 5 minutes later, I couldn’t even remember what I was doing. Entirely frazzled. You can imagine, after a day of this, I’m fried to a crisp. My head is just spinning.

Those of you who have greater mental focus than I are probably nodding and saying “he needs to meditate more”. Likely yes. (Check it out: I’m at a constant approx 2x10min per day! But it’s chanting, which is maybe a little different?)

Anyway, tomorrow I will try an experiment: I will not read the internet at all. Even if it means I miss a Beartato.

Too Much #2: Food.

When I’m frazzled/bored, I snack on things, to the point where I can tell that my body is not super happy. I think that any degree of mental focus would help me with that. I’m not sure how to back up my assertion about this, because I am too frazzled to structure my argument well. Maybe tomorrow’s experiment will bear fruit. If not, perhaps I will experiment with adding some for real meditation to the chanting. (or replacing it!)

Too Much #3: Worrying About Christmas.

Uhh here’s the deal: I’m terrible at Christmas. I’m sorry. I’m sorry to the environment, to poor sweatshopmen, to rich unhappy people, to recently-bankrupt people, to hedonic treadmill runners and burned-out I-bankers, to priests and penguins, to oldmen who are wondering just why our society is so flashy and weird nowadays, for participating in this vicious cycle of consumerism. And I’m sorry to my family, to my friends, to tradition-lovers and genuine goodwill gift-givers, to retailers who want to make a living and parents who want a little magic for their kids, for worrying so much about the whole thing.

What’s my beef with Christmas? It’s not on the “giving” side, because I can control that. The only way the giving would be bad would be if I felt pressured to give someone something that I didn’t want to, and I don’t ever. It’s on the “receiving” side; I don’t want to receive a bunch of stuff. Why not? Is it the clutter factor? I can deal with that; give stuff away, etc. Is it the environment factor? Sure, but then, I do much worse things and much better things. Saying “my Christmas presents are killing the environment” is like saying “those four times I’ve smoked hookah in my life are killing my lungs”. Is it the fact that people are giving their money to big soulless sweatshoppy corporations? Yeah, maybe, whatever, but goddammit, it’s their money. It’s not my responsibility, nor my right, to make them spend it fairly/locally/responsibly/etc.

So I hereby am resolving to try not to worry about Christmas presents at all this year. (did I say this last year too? if so, I re-resolve.) I’ll buy you a present that I want to buy you. You can buy me one you want to buy me. Or not, that’s fine too. Really. Honestly.

Too Much #4: computers today.

I do not want to count the number of hours I’ve spent staring at a computer screen today. Ow my eyes! Good night.

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