This is one of the most important lessons I would tell my younger self upon entering any sort of workforce, including school.

It’s called “The Biggie Filter”, after a professor of mine we called Biggie. We called him this because his name kind of sounded like Biggie¹, and because he is perhaps the person in the world most unlike Biggie, which makes it all the funnier.

Prof. Biggie had this incredible ability to make you feel like an idiot when you talked to him. He’d often kind of turn his head sideways and squint, and maybe ask you something like “what do you mean by that?”, as if you had just said “the world is flat” and he’s trying to tell if you’re a conspiracy nut or just a garden variety fool. He had a very cooler-than-thou look, unintentionally but believably, because he was the kind of person who could reference Baudrillard or Latour in his writing and actually know what he’s talking about. One time he had us submit some homework through a google form, and upon submitting, instead of saying “thank you” or something, it said “Sereously?” [sic], and we all did a double take, because it’s the kind of thing he would actually say. And of course he was somewhere between “well-known” and “luminary” in his field, did great work, has a zillion papers and awards, etc. So interacting with him was usually a little bit ego-bruising.

But he didn’t mean it to be! I got to know him working on a project, never to the point where I’d call him “warm”, but to the point where I knew he never meant any condescension with his remarks. He was supportive of his students (those he advised and those in his classes) and earnest in his work. That’s just kinda the way he looked and talked.

So the Biggie Filter is this: Whenever Prof. Biggie says something, make it like 3 levels more positive. If he says “I think that’s a mistake”, hear it as “I don’t know; feel free to argue with me. And it’s an interesting point!” If he says “I don’t know about that”, hear “Good idea, and you’re doing great work!” It got so much easier to work with him after I installed the Biggie Filter in our conversations: more accurate communication, less anxiety.

The meta-point here, though, is: You will have to install Biggie-type Filters in so many of your professional relationships, especially with superiors. They will not always be the same as the original Biggie Filter; here are some Biggie-type filters you might have:

• Boss is too positive, greenlighting everything you say. If he dislikes an idea, don’t do it; if he likes it, get a second opinion.
• Boss just wants to hear that you’re earnest. If you’re struggling, phrase it as “project X didn’t work out, but I’m excited to try project Y next” or “I could use another point of view on project Z” instead of “I’m really struggling here.”
• Boss is usually excited about new tech, but has a pet peeve around AI tools, so don’t tell her about AI things; find another booster for those
• Boss really cares about status and schedules, so he will ask you for lots of status reports; this doesn’t mean he thinks you’re behind
• Boss treats silence as failure, so tell her proactively what you’re doing every day, or she’ll think you’re goofing off.

(Not limited to bosses; you’ll need these for many coworkers! I’m just focusing on bosses here because they’re often the most fraught work relationship.)

If you have a new boss and things don’t go swimmingly from the start, and you can find coworkers who will tell you their Biggie Filters for this boss, that will be so helpful! You can’t install them as-is; they depend on both you and the boss. But they don’t vary too widely; it’s rare that a boss will be very positive to someone and negative to someone else.² It’s a good thing to try before you start jumping to conclusions and getting anxious about what the new boss means whenever you talk with them.