Some Claims About Our Present World
I keep struggling to write anything about the present state of the US, but it seems important to, so it’s blocking me writing anything about anything else. The block is something like: once I make A Claim, then I have to Substantiate It, and each of these would take hours to do well and I don’t have that kind of time or energy.
So, to unblock myself, I’m just going to throw these out there:
- There are no cartoon villains. People who do bad things have reasons. These reasons are usually not as dumb as “I want to get rich” (though sometimes they are)
- The News wants you to keep reading and clicking. They don’t care if they work you into a state of terrified aggression every day, as long as they get their clicks.
- Those in power want you to feel scared, demoralized, and pwned. Some of their actions are purely symbolic, aimed at achieving this
- therefore, when you hear about a new “Trump administration plan”, probably just ignore it, as the reality will be nothing like what they claim.
- Still, this all sucks.
- The left went partially off course in the culture wars, aiming for symbolic victories and feeling smart/righteous rather than improving the world.
- The right, ascendant, actually has a chance to undo some of these smug missteps. They will spend 5% of their time doing smart things like reinstating plastic straws, and that will be good. They will then veer wildly off course themselves, “owning the libs” rather than improving the world.
- You don’t have to pay attention to any of this. It’s better if you don’t.
- You should absolutely stay friends with your friends who happened to vote for the wrong guy. Consider it sports teams, not holy wars.
- I used to advocate the opposite of this. I was wrong. It doesn’t help, it makes you feel worse, and really almost anything that severs human connection should be viewed with much skepticism
- Most of this, you can’t do anything about. Or, you can’t do much about without radically changing your life. I guess you can do a little (donate money! call your congresspeople!) with a little, uncertain payoff, if you want to. I’m not going to stop you. But it’s ok to round that to zero if that’s how you’re inclined, I think.
- I used to say the opposite of this. I’m not sure if I was right or wrong. But I wasted a lot of effort without much benefit, I think.
- Be careful how much of your mental space this takes up. Be careful of falling for conspiracy theories or things that are not quite true because they happen to match up with a story you like.
Spending
Every year I total up all the stuff we’ve spent. This is useful for getting at least to Tier 2 and thereby being at least kind of able to think smartly about money.
I just saw Jeff Kaufman’s spending update and this makes me want to make a public post of my own. Mostly as a public service: it’s so helpful for me to read the results of someone who I feel at least kinda similar to.
so what do we spend money on
| thing | approx cost in $1000s |
|---|---|
| nanny | 63 |
| mental and physical health | 20 |
| groceries | 15 |
| restaurants | 9 |
| helping out friends | 9 |
| kid supplies, babysitters, activities | 8 |
| house (paid off) | 8 |
| hobbies | 7 |
| wills/trusts | 5 |
| coworking space | 4 |
| home decorations/furniture | 4 |
| family travel | 3 |
| vacation | 3 |
| car (paid off) | 3 |
| new bike | 3 |
| new fence | 3 |
| coffee shops | 3 |
| life insurance | 2 |
| pharmacy | 2 |
| gym | 1 |
| total | 196 |
(I know that doesn’t add up; I forgot a lot of “little things” here I’m sure. Don’t count this as a total pie chart, but as some anecdotes of “how much stuff costs for us.")
can I feel less bad
This also always makes me feel bad. I always think “I should be spending less” - either because I should be saving for the future, or I should just be less destructive to the earth or something.
This year I did an exercise: “what’s different from 2010 Dan?” 2010 Dan lived alone in an apartment in Seattle and spent $30k/year. That didn’t seem wasteful. Why am I not like that now? Have I lifestyle-inflated that much?
But, ok:
- 2010 Frugal Dan spent 30k/year. About 9k was rent.
- So, besides rent, 2010 Frugal Dan spent 21k/year
- in 2024, Frugal Dan + T should spend 42k/year + housing
- in 2024 dollars that’s 61k + housing
- housing costs are about 8k now, in a paid-off house: property tax, insurance, and maintenance. (Curious that that’s similar to my rent back then - though after inflation that rent would be like 13k - and we have a 4br house now vs a 1br apt then)
- So Frugal Dan + T would spend 69k/year
- But once we have a kid’s expenses, and we have accepted that we hired a nanny, that adds 71k - so we’re at 140k already
- Add in the following:
- car (~necessary)
- helping out friends (not necessary but we’re glad to be able to; what good is wealth if not for this)
- coworking space (~required by my job)
- wills/trusts/insurance (smart to do as we get older)
- new fence (smart for our house; we could bundle this with the house)
- new bike (ok, a luxury)
- and everything we’ve spent on our physical and mental health (all seems smart)
- and we’re at 190k.
- our actual total spending was 196k.
- So Frugal-Dan-and-T would have saved 6k, out of a budget of 60k.
Conclusion: we have lifestyle-inflated (all our groceries, coffee, travel, etc) about 11% since 2010. But mostly just, kids and other side effects of aging cost a lot of money!
This is reassuring. It’s still a ton of outgoing cash but I’m not worried that we’re leaking huge amounts in every area of our lives.
Parenting Snapshot
Feels valuable to have a “snapshot of life” every so often. I guess some people do this with photos or videos, but I like words. This is mostly about parenting.
N just turned 2. We spent a few days with each family; mostly overwhelming, though we are lucky to have families that love him (and us) so much.
We’ve broken the streak of “every month is easier than the last.” I don’t know if it’s the Terrible Twos or Teething or Oh My God I Just Acquired Consciousness And Now I’m Mad All The Time. (Don’t worry, bud, I’m told that only lasts 60 years or so.) But with this induction into dual awareness, this Will Smith “Welcome to Earth” punch in the face, has come regular demonic possession.
This means that every time we try to change his direction even a tiny bit from what he was trying to do, he’ll fight us, and at least once a day it’ll turn into full-on The Exorcist screaming and wailing and flailing. Again, sorry bud; you will get better at this with time. We hit a new record of 5x yesterday; only one so far today, but the day is young. We had to set up the old pack-and-play crib so he has a safe place to fizzle out again on the first floor because we need it so often.
Food is still a toss up; often he’ll refuse everything, sometimes he’ll eat everything, who knows. He likes running around and climbing, usually, which is harder in the winter. Still in diapers; I guess this is the year for potty training, but I don’t know how to do that and I’m not looking forward to it. He can say a lot of words and often short sentences, like “open the door” or “I’m sleeping”.
His nanny has been helpful, and we plan to start him at day care in the fall. Not looking forward to the ensuing localized epidemic, but inshallah, we’re getting some of it over with. We each got “walking pneumonia” in November and have been on and off sick ever since. There’s circles of hell here, and we’ve mostly stayed in the outer ones (one parent healthy, or a grandparent around to help), but the inner circles (two parents sick, someone gotta take care of energetic kid, and it’s winter) are just a skip away.
Oh, and he mostly doesn’t like me. Loves other family members; loves his mom. He’s ok if Mama’s not home and he’s stuck with me for a while, but if we’re both home he cries every time she leaves a room. Yesterday after his nap, I’d go check on him every 15 minutes and he kept saying “seeyoulater! seeyoulater!” and getting agitated until I left; I assume he was hoping that if I leave maybe Mama will come in the door next? shrug I hear this is typical too, and I’m not taking it personally.
What about the rest of my life? Well, I make time to do puzzles once a week, and the rest is work (not doing awesome at it, but hopefully treading water successfully) and maintenance (exercise, ~therapy, doctor appointments). We’re watching a good TV series called Dark (2017). It’s got time travel; otherwise don’t read too much about it beforehand. Still a lot of Slay the Spire; my free time is so sporadic (e.g. while I’m waiting for him to stop telling me “seeyoulater”) so phone games allow me 10min at a time, and it’s still the best phone game.
most positive take
I wonder why it feels important to me to make these snapshots on bad days. Given my last post about noticing the positive, how else could I put this?
I’m managing! I’m juggling all the demands of baby and job, and have time for fun too. T and I feel good together usually, I can still do puzzles and in fact am going to Mystery Hunt next week. I’m improving at my job, our house is nice and cozy, I can grow plants, I keep developing new reliable recipes, I’m reading good books, and I’m still fit as hell. Hell, I’m almost never in pain, which is a miracle itself.
(I didn’t feel terribly fake writing that last paragraph. Hmm. On the other hand, a cup of coffee just hit my bloodstream, and stimulants are a reliable mood booster for me.)
- Noticing What's Good
- Bragging Over Fairness
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