Haircut, honesty, and other words with a silent "H"

I got a haircut. I shake my head and it doesn’t move. However, at least it’s not in my eyes, and it will probably be great in a few weeks. I swear, if I ever become a stand-up comedian, my only routine will be about the haircut questionnaire.

“What can I do for you today?” umm… cut my hair?
“How would you like it?” awesome. I would like my hair to look awesome. Sometimes it does. Sort of windswept across my forehead and a little curly in the back, as if to say, I don’t care about hairstyles, but I was just like windsurfing or, I dunno, mountain biking, or something else badass.
(awkward pause)
Okay, I guess I know how I would like it: shorter than it is right now. But not too short! Ohmygod not too short! Do not cut my hair too short! I like preserving this little vestige of counterculturalism by having hair that’s a little ruffy at the edges.
At this point it’s either “okay” (and they cut it too short) or “well, how much shorter?” uhh… a half inch? Three centimeters? Look, I don’t know. It just used to be pretty good, maybe two weeks ago, and now it’s too long and in my eyes.
Oh, and this part! You know, I always part it at like 40% across my head. That’s unintentional! See, I’ve been experimenting. Some days, I’ve gone with 50%. It kinda makes me look like a grade schooler. Some days, I go with 20%, or even 10%! Then I look like a coolman for sure! Or maybe a combed-over businessman. Yuck. Hey, by the way, I don’t want to look like a businessman. I cannot think of an occasion in my life where I would like to look like a businessman.
Even more generally than this part, though! I would like to experiment with my hair. Do something crazy! Something wild! I mean, not like a mohawk, or a buzz cut (I like it longish), and I don’t want to put hair products in it, and uh, well, I don’t know. Something different?
(puzzled look)
Umm… okay. Just cut it shorter. *sigh*

See, what I should say is “cut it like a hipster,” except nobody would know what that means, because no real hipster with a hipster haircut would ever admit that their haircut is a hipster haircut.

On another note, which is actually related, albeit tangentially, it’s come to my attention that I’ve written a few posts/comments/etc. recently, playing the devil’s advocaat. I should stop that. This blog should be about my thoughts, not “what someone might someday think of my thoughts.” In fact, my life should be more about what I like, not how I will respond if someone criticizes what I like. A little less self-preserving hipster irony! It’s too tiring!


Anonymous -

You could maybe bring in a picture of something you like. I don’t know that guys do that too often, but who cares? Nobody besides the hair-cutter needs to know about your inspiration for your rad ‘do.

Hair-cutting would be a great idea for stand-up.

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