Too caught up in goals?

I’d really like to have a real spiritual experience. You know, like Zen dudes talk about: all of a sudden you get it, you’re sitting on a rock staring at a tree and you become one with the universe or whatever. I’ve read accounts of such things. That would really let me know I’m on the right track, and that this enlightenment/spiritual-development thing is really worth pursuing. (I know, blessed are those who have believed but not seen, doubting Thomas, etc, but bear with me.)

I’d also like to be a cool uncle. Like that uncle who is crazy and goes on fantastic adventures and has tons of weird stories. The kind of guy who just went and did his own thing, bucked the system, etc. Like Tom Robbins, if Tom Robbins were your uncle.

Is this bad? On one hand, having goals is good. On the other hand, probably every Zen (or other religion) master ever would hit me with a stick; you don’t do religion so you can get high. And you don’t travel so that people will think you’re cool. On the first hand again, most of my other goals are negative (don’t want to be a boringman, cubicleman, suburbanman, etc) and I feel like a positive goal is more better than a negative goal. Back to the second hand again: yeah but they’re bad goals. Plus, what about no-attachments? I am somewhat attached to these goals: if you said I could never achieve either, I would be pretty sad.

Maybe that’s it: keep the goals, lose the attachment. Easier said than done! But it’s a start.

Other things: I watched Rushmore last night and enjoyed the heck out of it, and I’m developing quite a taste for biscotti.


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