Things contracting a bit

Sometimes life expands, and you start a thousand new projects and buy some stuff and make new friends. Sometimes it contracts, and you tie up loose ends, get rid of things, clean house. Now is the latter for me.

At work, I’m getting into a worn groove. Not quite a rut, but a path that a lot of people have stomped down before me and that I’m learning how to walk in. Depth is nice; learning to become a class-A grunt in any line of work is useful. You get blinders, though, too. Everything you and your friends/coworkers do becomes just the standard way to do things. (I’m a little convinced that there are things we grad students are doing poorly, particularly the worrying.)

Otherwise, things are fine, I feel healthy physically, I even have a bit of leisure time to do nothing. I’m done with my bike and my radio show (for now), got fun social things to do but am avoiding adding work for the time being.

I’ve been dreaming a lot less, since I started here a year ago. My brain feels fuller. I’m not worried about not growing. I am┬ásometimes worried that I’m not doing what’s important. (Working on changing that.) I’m still not sure how anyone can be content, ever, pretty much period. I still feel like an eager, angry, and excited kid.


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